So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
