if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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