If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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