I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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