I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
