Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
