I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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