I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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