She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
