I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
