apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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