I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
