I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
worst night to have a conscience
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
