can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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