and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
