well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
