I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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