Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The ass gains better be worth it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
