I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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