When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I love you. Go after that dick
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
