If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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