I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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