Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
