You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sext me about skeletons
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
