Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
