Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I bet he comes in French.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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