I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
