so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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