Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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