I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
