he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
