I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
