Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
