Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
