her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I want her autograph on my taint
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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