my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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