So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
