you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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