The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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