just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
