is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
