i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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