i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
