today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
