i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
