I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
