Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
