Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
