Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
