just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
