lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
