Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
