so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
