woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
