i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
