I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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